How Are You?

 Who knew that an honest answer could elicit a tongue lashing? One that leaves the recipient stunned?

Attending an event to which church leaders were invited, I met a number of pastors and ministers from around the region. Some I only knew by 'face', and others whose name I knew but not the face. I like meeting new people - especially persons who attend churches different from mine (as well as those God brings me to). Yet, that day, I was introduced to a minister I had seen various times and was encouraged to know that she had received 'clergy' status and was the lead minister of a church of the denomination to which I belonged. 

She asked me, "How are you?" I responded with my usual concise, "I'm well enough! And you?" Instead of sharing her present state of being, she lashed out at me because I said I'm well enough. She expressed that such an answer was a slur on God, who has given me life, who has been my God and Father, and on and on and on. To be honest, my first thought was that she missed an important class in seminary on listening to the heart and not just the words. But then I felt bad for her for she was clearly holding on to something deep inside. As she self-righteously stomped off after 'putting me in my place' and has kind of snubbed or treated me as if I were less than or semi-antichrist or something whenever we pass each other at events, I have not been able to actually get a moment with her to help her understand why I answered as I did. She is in a hurry. She's never asked me for an explanation. Hmmm. So I pray for her.

But, if she had, or if she could stop long enough for me to share with her, she might comprehend why I responded to her "How are you?" as I did. I was not slurring God nor misrepresenting Him. In truth, I was without her realizing it, giving God the glory. To the indiscernible my simple "well enough" apparently requires some further explanation. Apparently.

I have lived through many episodes and years where I was not well physically in a number of ways (that is still the case), one-half inch close to a full-on nervous breakdown. I was in a place where I harbored murderous thoughts (before Jesus called me), in a time when I was spiritually in a coma, and many other awful things that would shock in their revelation. Following the world as I was, I thought I could deliver myself through the latest panaceas going around. 

Until, like Balaam, the donkey stopped. 

Despite my own self-deception, I could not save myself from those situations, and many a day I did not even want to try. But God! In His time and Providence, He called me from the ashes, He lifted me up and raised me to life in Christ! Even after living more than half my life in a spiritually deeply comatose condition, God called me in the dawn of my senior years. He claimed me. I was made anew spiritually and will probably still endure that struggle with the agony of the flesh as long as I live in this earthly body. I know from whence my help comes. Even when my neural disorders are at their peak and I want to scream in pain, I know He walks with me. I am well enough because I know this is not forever, but each day God makes me well enough to serve Him in some way, and to do His will even in a broken body and scarred heart, mind and psyche. He makes me well enough so that even in searing pain, and weak moments of sliding into self-pity, He gives me grace to 'stand' and do His will. He makes me well enough to have His joy and love in my life. He makes me well enough to walk and move - even if it is a struggle. He makes me well enough so that I can thank Him in all things because I know this is not my future. He makes me well enough to remember how Jesus brutally suffered so that He could bring me to His Father. So, I am well enough because my God gives me power and the strength of His grace while I live with the thorn 'embedded in my side.' I can do all things because God lives in me. I am well enough because He has given me more love, more mercy, and more grace than I ever deserved. I have never forgotten when 'well', let alone 'well enough' would not have been the truth about who I was and what I was and where I was. And, yes, like with Paul and with David, God will allow those whom He loves to experience times, maybe even seasons, of pain and fear. Not because He hates us or is oblivious, but because He knows us better than we know ourselves. He allows the pain because with each prick, jab, and lightning bolt, I draw closer to Him and praise Him with words and song because He inhabits the praise of His people and I keep praising Him, and ask for forgiveness when I feel myself starting to open my mouth in complaint. Paul calls it a "temporary affliction" and rightly so. And I immediately impress those words on myself over and over again - especially when the Excedrin or other pain killer will not work, nor the anointed oil. God just wants me as I am in my rawness so that He can comfort me, He can ease the pain, He can put the smile on my face while the tears roll down my cheeks. So that He can give me glimpses of heaven as He holds me close. 

I am well enough because of Him! Only because of Him.

Because He loves me beyond what I can hope, think or imagine, I am well enough. No longer condemned. No longer ashamed. No longer a captive to the effects of sin in and on my body. I am well enough by His grace. Someday, when I transition to the glorious body that awaits me, I will transition to the promise of a perfect body and perfect heart. O what a Savior who holds me in my brokenness, and will someday soon (comparatively) hold my hand and lead me to the perfect place He has planned for me from before the foundation of the world! Lord, I have seen thy salvation!  

So, when I answer with a politely concise, "I am well enough," please stop long enough and ask me what do I mean. I will then share the Gospel with you as I explain why I am now well enough. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!